


The House Swap

by shrift



Category: IT Crowd
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrift/pseuds/shrift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a holiday is arranged.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The House Swap

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by Nestra.

Naturally Moss contrived the whole thing while Roy was in the process of beating his own high score on Ninja Ropes and shouting, "Yes! Yes! Do it! Come on! Yes!"

It was after Roy completed several victory laps around his desk that Moss looked at him calmly and said, "It's booked."

"What's booked?" asked Roy.

"The house swap, as you agreed," said Moss as though Roy were an idiot. "Blast it, Roy, do you ever listen to a word I say?"

"The what swap?"

"A nice Canadian chap has offered us the use of his luxury cabin in exchange for your flat. I must say that I gave him a rather stark evaluation of your living arrangements, but he still seems rather keen. A bit odd, really."

"My place is fine," said Roy.

Moss stared at him. "You previously lived in a bedsit where you slept on a sofa in the same room as your kitchen and toilet, so I think we all can agree that your judgment is suspect."

"Perhaps your Canadian chap is a fugitive from justice," said Roy, because that would be exactly his luck.

"Oh, Roy, can't you see? This way we can afford to go on holiday _and_ see The Avengers film as many times as you like," said Moss.

"I thought I told you never to mention my Robert Downey, Jr. problem at the office," hissed Roy.

But Moss was irrepressible. "A holiday, Roy! I need a holiday! I can't be held accountable for my actions if I don't get a break from my mother!"

And there was no way out of it when Moss had made up his mind. Roy began resigning himself to losing all of his worldly possessions to the whim of some mysterious Canadian stranger.

* * *

Roy and Moss stood there in front of their so-called "luxury cabin."

"Maybe it's bigger on the inside," said Roy in a pathetic attempt at jollying things along that made him sound exactly like his mum.

Staring at him pitilessly from the depths of his Tom Baker scarf, Moss said, "It's a _shack_ , Roy!"

"I am well aware," snapped Roy. "Let's just go inside."

Moss and Roy entered the dilapidated structure with hesitation. The light inside was dim and thick with dust. Over the fireplace, the head of some monstrous beast stared back at them with gimlet eyes.

"Oh, God!" said Roy at the same moment that Moss let out an almighty shriek and leapt into Roy's arms. Roy's heart went a bit fluttery at the feel of Moss's face pressed against his neck.

"We can't stay here," said Moss when Roy tipped him back on his feet. Moss shoved his iPhone in Roy's face. "I've lost my data connection! There's no wifi!"

"It'll be fine," said Roy, eyeing the small bed somewhat dubiously. He had games on his iPad along with George R. R. Martin's oeuvre. He probably could cope. For a little while.

Moss stamped his foot. "We were promised a luxury cabin. This is an outrage! I've never experienced such gross misrepresentation since the scurrilous claims made by the purveyors of X-Ray Specs!"

Roy sighed. "You know we can't afford to pay for a hotel –"

"I'll pay for it!" interjected Moss. "I've some money set aside for a rainy day. You won't owe me a thing."

"You'd do that for me?" asked Roy.

"Do you think me a cad?" asked Moss. "I'll not deprive you of all the big-screen Robert Downey, Jr. that you can handle, Roy."

There was nothing for it but to kiss him, so Roy did. Moss kissed back as though Roy had given him a rare vintage action figure in its original packaging.

"You do realise we'll be staying in a budget hotel," said Moss.

"Yes, of course," said Roy.

"I'm not your sugar daddy."

"Please never say that phrase again," said Roy.

Moss considered it. "That seems fair."


End file.
